I’m not sure where the last twenty three days went. That is is how long my computer tells me it has been since I have written a post. I’m beginning to feel the side effects of not writing. My body is in motion but my spirit is beginning to sag just a bit. I need to write, to share, to release all that gets pent up inside of me.
What I have been doing is the other half of my life…yarn and fiber. I had two classes selected to teach at a fiber festival. I have been preparing on and off for months and during the week leading up to the event I was in full teacher mode. Writing handouts, making samples and packing up my supplies. I drove to Dallas on Thursday; taught all day on Friday and then drove home on Saturday. I was exhausted by the experience.
My next event is a fiber and yarn festival where I will be a vendor. That is this coming Saturday so I have been in full show prep mode. Dyeing fiber. Preparing fiber for spinning. My living room looks like a rainbow of sheep exploded…neatly, in one corner. I don’t have a separate place to do all of this so I must look at this all day every day until the event is over. I’m longing for order.
All this jabbering is to say that I don’t divide my time and attention well. I am now, and have always been, an all or nothing kind of person. Now the thing that I am all in on can change at the drop of a hat, but whenever I am focused I can do nothing else. When I am dyeing and prepping fiber I think that is the most fun I have ever had. When I am writing I fully immerse myself and get lost in the words. I then fantasize about having a tiny nook where I would read and write. I’ve always loved being surrounded by books. On the days I write I can sit and work for hours and never feel tired. That is the one thing that is different for me about writing…I never tire of it. Everything else bores me after I feel a sense of minor accomplishment.
May is just right around the corner and that marks the second anniversary of closing my yarn shop. I have spent the last two years dabbling, dipping my toe in and out of the fiber world. I think I am afraid to let completely go because then who would I be? This has been my identity for so long that I think I am afraid of not being that person.
I wonder what God thinks about this turmoil? There is no doubt that turmoil is not what he wants for his children. I’ve asked. I’ve watched and then I return to where I am today. On two separate occasions I have heard a specific word from God on this subject. One was very clearly “Write about me.” The other was recently when I heard “Show me through the work of your hands.” Well, I took the second one to mean that anything I do with my hands I should do it to show Him off to the world. Not only the product but me and how I conduct myself. I guess I was hoping for an airplane flying overhead pulling a banner that said “Sheryl, ____________ and stop ________________. But God doesn’t work that way.
He allows us to choose and make mistakes and figure it out. But, I’m 61 years old, I’ve got to get busy. I could be running out of time. I think in writing this post I am seeing the writing on the wall, so to speak. My husband and I are seriously planning for the last phase of our earthly life and it is going to involve a move. After thirty years in this house we are going to clean out, de-clutter and move about fifty miles up the road to be closer to our daughter and her family. We’ve dreamed of living a small town life, but now I just want to be close to our kids without fighting the traffic of Houston to get there. It is entirely possible that with this fresh start there will be some wooly things left behind.
I will be on the road for a couple of days for a wedding, and then back home for the last stages of show prep. I might not make it back to the blog until next week. But I promise, I am back. I’ve missed this more than I knew.